ODDITIES AND OTHER STUFF
Weird Stuff I Cannot Explain
My best friend in high school was a girl named Joanna. Her father was dead, so she lived in a home with her mother and grandmother. One day, out of nowhere, I knew I needed to see her. No other details, so I drove to her house. She was standing in the front yard, supervising her younger siblings as they played.
I pulled into the driveway, got out and went to her. I told her that I didn’t know why I was there, except I knew I had to be. She rushed into her house, and called me from her front door. Her alcoholic mother had broken a bottle over her own mother’s head. She was lying unconscious on the floor. We called the police; that’s all I can recall.
In college I dated four different women my senior year. All four were red-heads. Only two percent of earth’s population has red hair. The probability of this is 1.6 x 10-6. The probability of alien abduction is in the same range.
Living in Berlin shortly after our marriage, I suddenly knew that my grandmother had died. I was adopted and there was no genetic connection. I later learned that the news arrived seven hours after the event, which occurred 4900 miles distant. That is about the speed of sound.
In a motel room outside Cleveland, Ohio, about a dozen years ago, I suddenly knew that my niece in West Virginia was in danger. She was a niece by choice; I was her older sister’s god-father. I called the local police and requested a health and welfare check on her, and sent her an e-mail. The police arranged for counseling, and as of two weeks ago thing were well. In the interim she was diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia type one, the most intense pain known to humans. It, and sometimes its treatment, can lead to personality changes. Fortunately, her husband has overcome hid abusiveness.
Music is not Supposed to be a Full-Contact Sport
People get hurt all the time at outdoor festivals and concerts, and occasionally at indoor ones. These are audience members. But, what about the performers?
The most famous incident, of course, is Michael Jackson’s hair catching on fire.
Then, there is Steve Morrissey, who was shot and killed on stage in Columbus, Ohio, by a disturbed fan.
We can’t overlook former Judas Priest guitarist Richie Faulkner experiencing an aortic aneurysm while performing in Kentucky.
My own contribution was never memorialized in print. My college stage band, on tour in Maryland, visited a high school where we were placed on risers. I was the melodic percussion player, meaning that I played bells, whistles, anything that made a specific pitch when being struck. That involved a lot of movement, and on the highest level of the risers I arranged an ingenious solution for one move that involved use of a small trampoline. I should have tested it before trying it out in a live show. I leapt from the riser onto the trampoline and, physics being physics, continued my travel face-first into a wall.
Unforgettable one-liners.
In Milwaukee, years ago, I was standing at an ATM when a man in front of me turned around and said, “I was Miss Kenosha, once.”
In a suburb of Minneapolis, the entire dining room went quiet at one time, during which I heard a woman loudly proclaim, “I’m never having sex on the piano again.”
In Italy thirty years ago, I had boarded a train on an underground station. I paid no attention to the posted signs, one of which evidently concerned the need for a platform ticket in addition to a transportation ticket. The conductor asked me for my platform ticket, and I had none. He then asked me,” Are you strange?” I could only respond, “Very.”
Memorable signs
My favorite of all time was on South Capitol Street in Washington, DC. There was a dedicated left turn lane with an attendant left turn traffic signal. Posted at the same location was a sign reading “NO LEFT TURN.”
Many roadside pull-offs or parking lots in Germany have their own names. I couldn’t quite make out the name of one such pull-off that I had passed frequently. I pulled in to read the name. The sign read Parkplatz bitte sauberhalten. “Please keep the parking area clean.”
In 1972, on the Autostrada della Norte in Italy, I saw a prominent sign: Ascenderi I Fieri. What do they mean, Up with the Candles? Seconds later we were plunged unto cave darkness. It turns out that it actually means “Turn on Headlights.”
Bill, what can I say? These anecdotes add up to a life well lived, yet they are the tip of the iceberg for you. Nice collection. Thanks for sharing.
I love these stories, especially the stuff that can not be explained. I believed I was dying (post op and surrounded by substandard care). I agonized about being left and neglected, in unexplained pain . My dear friend was overwhelmed with needing to see me and sensing things were not right. She barged her way in after visiting hours and demanded the attention I was in need of. We are blessings to one another. Thanks for sharing