Shameless Self-Promotion
I write e-books self-published on Amazon, usually under the name Mark Treble. The first ten readers to respond expressing an interest will be offered an opportunity to receive his or her choice of one of two e-books for free. The only request is that the reader write an honest review of the book on Amazon.com.
Please respond to mark@marktreble.com
The Trip to Helen Gawne
Four lifetime friends go on a road trip to take one last shot at winning the heart of their mutual former crush, the Prom Queen. Except it’s almost fifty years after high school and the guys are all in their sixties. What can possibly go wrong?
Jake, the class clown, is longing to restore his youth. Plus his knees, his colon, his hips, and half a dozen other body parts that will no longer cooperate.
Alessandro, once nicknamed by the high school girls TDP (Tall Dark and Promiscuous) nowadays eats Viagra like candy. His third wife left when the sex went from bad to none, and he’s desperately seeking something to revive his flagging libido.
Elvis divorced his wife after finding the new lawn care guy trimming her bush, plowing her garden and fertilizing her field. The town’s #1 (and only) dentist, Elvis needs a break from looking down in the mouth. Not to mention hackneyed dentist jokes.
Woody, the perennial bachelor, is along for the ride. Plus, if he goes, his sister’s twenty-some grandchildren can’t pester him to come out and throw the football with them. The one-time high school football star can no longer throw, can no longer hold the ball, and most importantly, can no longer remember where he left it.
Helen Bradley, the Prom Queen, had married Richie Gawne, the basketball star in a sports-crazy town. An unfortunate accident with a bouncing basketball knocked loose a nasty clot in Richie’s brain and, well, he’s now playing for another team. And his widow, Helen Gawne, is once more available.
As their golden years tarnish before their eyes, the four friends take off cross-country on their last desperate shot at youth. They’re on The Trip to Helen Gawne.
Sea Monsters
The Frankenbuzz Detective Agency gets its first big job: find out why people are dying on a specific luxury yacht. Buzz’s cover is as a Safety Engineer, one for which he is fully qualified. Frank doesn’t really have a cover, so his story is that he’s Buzz’s bisexual “boyfriend.” Frank, an expert survivalist, can remember his story as long as he stays at least 20 feet away from all women or all alcohol. Unfortunately, the yacht is full of both.
Buzz finds a hidey-hole for a drug stash, and suspicion immediately goes to Trey, the bosun. Except it’s not him. At the first port of call, an alligator tries to eat a guest’s pet dog, so Frank shoots the alligator and saves the dog. He quickly becomes the guests’ favorite, and is made the activities director. The yacht quickly becomes Party Central for the entire Gulf of Mexico.
Then there’s a small fire onboard, meaning that the Coast Guard must be notified. Lieutenant Daniel Gross arrives, and the captain defers all questions to Third Engineer Buzz Bakersfield. This makes no sense to Daniel, so the captain comes clean about the investigation. Daniel joins the hunt, and becomes an undercover guest. As the fire is traced to sabotage, Daniel and Buzz relentlessly pursue leads among inebriated libidinous passengers, while Frank’s having the time of his life.
Hundreds of miles from the nearest port, the yacht is caught in a surprise White Squall, and is soon plunging down thirty-foot waves, then struggling up the next one. Chef Caroline and her Deputy, Benito, prepare, serve and deliver meals to everybody at risk to life and limb. Then the real trouble starts.
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Why does the Canadian Coast Guard seize control of the yacht? Why is Cairipinha called the Little David, just because after one you have to Goliath down? Why is the Chief Stewardess kept in the Brig? Why do the guests not understand the danger? Why does Buzz repeatedly call his girlfriend and ask for forgiveness in advance? And, why are the chapter titles all the names of nautical songs? And why can no one understand Benito’s fluent English?
Answers to these and other world-shaking questions will be found in the book.
Please respond to mark@marktreble.com.
Thank you
Bill Heath
AKA Mark Treble
.
So grabbed Gawne in kindle unlimited along with Legs Growing also in unlimited. But Sea Monsters wasn't on offer. I so rarely read fiction but I'll give it a look. My escapes are the Clancy stuff by Steven Konkoly.
Yeah, had me some experience with them "tell me what you really think" folks. Not falling into that trap!